Sunday, May 22, 2011

New Horizons

I don't really have much to say today.  I know, I know that is very unusual.  I am just so beyond exhausted tonight.  I am sitting here at my computer too tired to get up and go to bed, because I don't want to move.  How ironic is it to be too tired to go to sleep.  I don't know if it's I am too tired to sleep or just too tired to move, but either way I am still here wide awake typing up an entry on my blog.

My day today went pretty well I suppose.  I had a tiny bit of nausea when I first woke up, but it didn't materialize and there was no vomiting.  The nausea was brief and passed only after a few minutes of initially waking up.  My shot went well tonight, so I think I am getting the hang of it. It still burns for about 15 minutes after every shot.  Maybe the burning will go away soon, or maybe it won't, but it is tolerable.

I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, just relaxed at home, but i have been researching a lot today.  My cousin sent me a link for the benefits of juicing and clean raw eating, and after reading the benefits, I am very interested in it.  What if eliminating all of the processed stuff out of my diet, and cleansing myself could do more good for me than the various medications.  It gets me thinking about what all of these preservatives doing to our bodies.  What if clean eating really will make me feel better.  I think it is worth a try, as I have nothing to lose at this point.

The MS diagnosis made me want to get healthier than ever before.  I took my health for granted before, and then in just a matter of minutes it can all be taken away.  You can go from having nothing wrong with you, to be diagnosed with an illness.  Will changing my lifestyle and trying this out guarantee that my symptoms will go away?  No, but changing my lifestyle CAN'T hurt it.  What better time than now to take control of my life?  Yes, ,all of this has been said thousands of times before, but this is different.  This time it isn't to fit into a certain size clothing, or look cute in a new dress, it is to maybe try to tame this disease.  This awful disease that is trying to take control of my life.  This disease that wants to take away my strength, take away my vision, take away my memory, take away control, take away my stability, take away my balance, take away health, but it can't take it away from me without a fight.

I am notorious for getting big  ideas, and then giving up whenever times get hard.  I am a dreamer.  I talk the talk, but then my follow through isn't always up to par.  I give up.  I give up on myself, because I let the doubt creep in.  I second guess myself.  I give up because it is easier to give up than it is to try your hardest and fail.  I don't like to admit this, but it's true.  The thing is , I don't want to be that girl anymore.  I feel like now I have more at stake.  I have my life at stake, my mobility, my memories, my loved ones, and my whole world.  I don't have the luxury of throwing in the towel, when times get rough, because they already are rough.  I am faced with no other options.  If I give up, I am giving in to this awful disease, and I can't do that.  It can't win. I have to bring my A game to the table and play all of my cards.  I need rest, I need understanding, I need to learn to how relax and take things in stride,I need my medications, I need support, I need exercise, I need healthy clean eating, I need my injections, I need love, and I need acceptance.  I won't settle for anything less.

It is easy to feel hopeless when you don't have a plan, when you don't have ideas, but now that I have made a plan for myself, I have hope.  I have hope because I believe these lifestyle changes will help me.  I know maybe I sound annoyingly cheerful or optimistic, but it's all about attitude.  I could choose to a downer and indulge in negative thoughts, but what good is that going to do me?  Not that I am going to be positive everyday, because I am not.  I will have plenty of bad days, but they will make me appreciate the good ones all the more.  I will have more good days than bad days.  I vow to appreciate life more, and treasure the good days, and filter out the bad ones.  I will prove to myself how strong I can be.  I have heard you never know how strong you can be, until you are tested.  This is my test, and I will NOT fail.  Never give up, never give in, and keep pushing forward.


  1. Hi Katie, You have a great attitude. Having lived with this for five years- I can say that positive optimistic thinking will really get you though and you'll do better with it. I found that the Swank diet and Anti-inflammatory diet were both pretty helpful and both are targeted at MS patients. My shots still sting, but I've gotten used to it. I hope you're doing really well and keep smiling, dancing and taking care of yourself!

  2. Thank you so much! I am glad to hear that you think those diets are helpful. It is also great news that you have gotten used to the shots. I hope you are doing well, and thank you so much for stopping by! :)