Goodbye to you

  
"Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.  You were the one I loved.  The one thing that I tried to hold on to. The one thing that I tried to hold on to..."  Before you can move on, and say hello to your new life, you have to say goodbye to the past.  This is extremely hard when you have to say goodbye to everything you have ever known.  To say goodbye to the one person that you thought would be there no matter what.  

You go through such a range of emotions with divorce, none of which are particularly delightful.  Each phase proving to be harder than the last, yet you still have to keep going.  When someone betrays you, and gives up on you, you tend to internalize that.  I wondered to myself "what did i do?"  "what could I have done?"  "what is wrong with me?"  "I am a failure"  "I am damaged"  

Intellectually I know that he did me a favor, and blah blah blah, but my heart does not agree yet.  It seems he gave up after I was "damaged with MS"  I wouldn't have given up on him, and it kills me that he gave up on me.  

As part of the healing process, I need to say goodbye to everything that I knew.  I can't start fresh with my mind focusing on the past.  

I am reading some books on breakups and divorce, so I will be working through some things, and writing different blog posts to help me get through them. 

                                                           "Goodbye To You"

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

[Chorus]

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

[Chorus x2]

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star